I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
