Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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