u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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