I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
