it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Operation Purity has been aborted
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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