It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
