He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize