im drinking this country out of the recession.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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