fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
