i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
