So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
