Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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