Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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