I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
