Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
