I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
