i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
