i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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