Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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