Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
