This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
