I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
