forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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