I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
