I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
