Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
