yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
