someone threw a dead crab at me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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