I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
