Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
