the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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