Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
