The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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