I will die if light touches me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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