i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
