I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I would ride that face into the sunset
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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