The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
