your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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