East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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