I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
