i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
