Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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