im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
