Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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