I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
