Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
