So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
