Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
