i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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