I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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