It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize