it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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