He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
NoShamevember. You game?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
