He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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