i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
