piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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